English Sucks!

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 4:00 pm

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat...

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea or is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Also, puppies suck, or whatever this weeks rule is.

Lord Golbez · Post by **Lord Golbez** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 8:01 pm

Brody · Post by **Brody** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 8:31 pm

I notice more than anything a pair massively confused spellings. The differentiation of "to" and "too". But moreso, "lose" and "loose".

Undine · Post by **Undine** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:57 am

This sounds like one of those emails that get forwarded to half the internet.

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 12:58 pm

I see no puppies :poo

Lap · Post by **Lap** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:06 pm

To do with the 'alarm' arguement of it going on instead of off when it 'rings' or 'sounds' or whatever your alarm does. The alarm is set and it is on (setting the alarm is the same as turning it on) and when the time comes it switches off but at the same time the bell or alarm sound or vibrate (whatever) switches on, which is when you have to switch it off. But you don't switch off the alarm, you switch off the sound that the appliance is making.
All alarms work on this principle.

Catching my mid- Atlantic drift?

Lord Golbez · Post by **Lord Golbez** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 3:37 pm

Undine wrote:This sounds like one of those emails that get forwarded to half the internet.

It's not the first time I've seen it, so you're probably right.

Lap - You can't switch off a sound. You switch off the device. Don't be insane.

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 3:47 pm

One of my friends (An english studnet) sent it to me.

I shall kill her for plagarism!

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:01 pm

yuka wrote:One of my friends (An english studnet) sent it to me.

I shall kill her for plagarism!

Then I'll kill you to make it all fair

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:03 pm

Why does everything end with Yuka abuse?

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:06 pm

yuka wrote:

Why does everything end with Yuka abuse?

Does it

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:07 pm

Always. Aaalways

Lord Golbez · Post by **Lord Golbez** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:12 pm

Probably because you left out an "i" in "plagiarism."

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:14 pm

mz · Post by mz » Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:43 pm

Hmmm... Remind me again why kiyuri was banned so often in past iterations of SG.

HKK · Post by **HKK** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:49 pm

Undine wrote:This sounds like one of those emails that get forwarded to half the internet.

I hate that shit

KingOfHell · Post by **KingOfHell** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 10:57 pm

Yeah i agree completely english is a stupid language, if i hadn't been born speaking english i'd be frustrated as hell trying to learn it.

WaWard · Post by **WaWard** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 11:01 pm

japanese is much better
AM I RITE

PS: English is a fucking easy language in terms of mastering it quickly. There's not a whole lot to learn, especially compared to other languages.

Except maybe for some past tense exception. DID IT SNOWED OR SNEW. WTF!

Undine · Post by **Undine** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 3:03 am

Or pronouncing shit.

flu = "flew"
flood = "flud"

WTF?

WaWard · Post by **WaWard** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 12:21 pm

I always had issues with the "ough".

though = "tho"
tough = "tuff"

But then you just learn those cases and you win.

Lap · Post by **Lap** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:53 pm

Ward wrote:I always had issues with the "ough".

though = "tho"
tough = "tuff"

But then you just learn those cases and you win.

A few more.

Slough = "sla-ow"
thought = "th-ort"
sought = "sort"

Chi · Post by **Chi** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:05 pm

Lap wrote:Slough = "total fucking shithole that should be firebombed"

fxd4u.

mz · Post by mz » Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:23 pm

Lap wrote:
Ward wrote:I always had issues with the "ough".

though = "tho"
tough = "tuff"

But then you just learn those cases and you win.
A few more.

thought = "th-ort"
sought = "sort"

Leave it to british people to put letters where there shouldn't be letters (in this case 'r').

next you're going to say "Aluminium" is tricky.

Lap · Post by **Lap** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 8:33 pm

mz wrote:
Lap wrote:
Ward wrote:I always had issues with the "ough".

though = "tho"
tough = "tuff"

But then you just learn those cases and you win.
A few more.

thought = "th-ort"
sought = "sort"
Leave it to british people to put letters where there shouldn't be letters (in this case 'r').

next you're going to say "Aluminium" is tricky.

Not tricky at all. Aa-lu-mi-ni-um. Why, how do you pronounce "Aluminium"?

Accents

mz · Post by mz » Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:20 pm

Except it's spelled Aluminum. Where brits found an 'i' I have no idea.

WaWard · Post by **WaWard** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:28 pm

Lap wrote:
Ward wrote:I always had issues with the "ough".

though = "tho"
tough = "tuff"

But then you just learn those cases and you win.
A few more.

Slough = "sla-ow"
thought = "th-ort"
sought = "sort"

lol rs

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:10 pm

Aluminium, not aluminum!

Undine · Post by **Undine** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:42 pm

a-lu-min-um

Yuka · Post by **Yuka** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:47 pm

Aluminium is the british spelling. And we're better because we don't have a love affair with the letter Z.

Lap · Post by **Lap** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:39 pm

mz wrote:Except it's spelled Aluminum. Where brits found an 'i' I have no idea.

No. The question is when did the Americans decide to lose the 'i'.

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:36 pm

Chi wrote:
Lap wrote:Slough = "total fucking shithole that should be firebombed"
fxd4u.

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs, and blow to smithereens
Those air-conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans
Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town --
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week for half-a-crown
For twenty years,

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears,

And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead

And talk of sports and makes of cars
In various bogus Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.

WaWard · Post by **WaWard** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:58 pm

i have problem with psy

i mean, there's a p in front, so y not say it!

!

mz · Post by mz » Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:06 am

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:25 am

Chi · Post by **Chi** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:32 pm

John Betjeman FTW!

Lap wrote:No. The question is when did the Americans decide to lose the 'i'.

It was originally called "Aluminum", btw.

(The inventor then added an "i" 4 years later, and then the Yanks decided to ditch the "i" 90 years afterwards for some strange reason)

dcom · Post by **dcom** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 4:09 pm

Undine wrote:This sounds like one of those emails that get forwarded to half the internet.

I agree.