Alexander the Gay

[Patchingko]

I posted the same crap in the thread at WF, but I want everyone possible to know to stay as far as possible from Alexander, one of the worst films I've ever seen.

I wrote a huge rant in my LJ about it that I won't share all of here because it is quite long. Sufficed to say, I think it was a complete travesty.

The three biggest issues I took with the film were:

The nearly complete lack of battles. There is no excuse for skipping 7 years of his career in which he designed and fought most of his brilliant battles when they're the most important parts of his life. Above all else, Alexander was an incredible general. You'd have no idea of that, watching this film.

The accents. Oh, what the hell were they thinking? Why was Alexander Irish? And why were the rest of the Greeks from seemingly every part of Great Britain and northern Europe? I've got no problem with English accents on ancient Greeks to make them seem dignified, but I do have a problem when Alexander the Irishman is talking to one of his own soldiers who inexplicably has a Scottish burr.

The gayness. I am extremely tolerant of homosexuals and don't see it as deviant or even unnatural. This film, instead of portraying Alexander as a homosexual, portrayed him as a complete fag. He had eyes for every eunoch in Asia Minor and gave the cry-cry face so much I thought I was watching Frodo in Fellowship a few times. The best part is when they show up at Rosario Dawson's city in Bactria and get drunk, and then Alexander and the other Greek men start to make out with each other and the Bactrians and Persians literally roll their eyes and turn to walk out as the homoerotic Greek orgy commences. The insult is topped by Oliver Stone thinking that Rosario Dawson's huge tits are going to make up for it ten minutes later (they don't, don't go see the movie).

I was looking forward to a film that would portray Alexander as the great general and homosexual that he was, enforcing the fact that the Greeks were one of the first great civilizations because they were both ingenious warriors and ran a society tolerant of homosexuality. The film could have not only been one of the greatest war movies of all time, but also one that destroyed the stereotypes of homosexuals as effeminate and spineless. Instead it was the exact opposite. It almost completely lacked any semblance of battles or warplay and portrayed homosexuals as weak, womanly, and deviant.

The biggest travesty was that so much potential was completely wasted. No movie studio will touch Alexander the Great's story in the near future now thanks to this horrible film, even though, in the hands of the right writer and director, it could be one of the greatest stories ever told.

I'll be very hard pressed to ever see another Oliver Stone film again after this, that's for certain.

[Lord Golbez]

So..let me just see if I understand this. It was more gay than Reign?

[Son-kun]

This explains Reign on so many levels

Peter Chung is a crazy mofo

[Arashi]

Awesome. I will not be seeing this, ever. Although the previews certainly got my attention, it reminded me of Troy.

[TO]

ive always considered oliver stone extremely overrated. I think that out of every film he's done, the only one i actually liked was platoon (i liked any given sunday, but for unintentional comedy purposes). it seems that every other film he does is a huge jumbled mess of ridiculously artsy cinematography and horrible editing. movies like U-Turn and natural born killers were just way too bizarre for me to enjoy, and only other films that he's done are political borefests like NIXON !!

so yeah im probably going to stay away from this one

[Patchingko]

Awesome. I will not be seeing this, ever. Although the previews certainly got my attention, it reminded me of Troy.

'Troy' is cinematic platinum compared to 'Alexander', and 'Alexander' actually makes 'Troy' look like it was done extremely well even though it was pretty much just a mediocre film.

Except for Platoon, I hadn't really seen anything by Stone that impressed me, and now I'm thinking Platoon was a fluke.

'Alexander' could have used a Willie Beaman or two just to ungayify it a little.

[Garbo]

Awesome. I will not be seeing this, ever. Although the previews certainly got my attention, it reminded me of Troy.

Troy was fucking awesome, and the trailers showed it as well. Alexander looks like trash from the trailers

[Kage]

I will watch it for colin farrell.

[Mitsuii]

I'll watch it for the men kissing.

[Raederle]

JRM!!!

[ElFenrir13]

Ya know, I am another one that was always curious about Greeks and Romans with English, Scottish, and Irish accents. I mean, is it THAT hard to give someone an Italian accent? Or are they afraid of something like 'Momma mia, General, those-a men are-a attacking!'

'It's-a Me, Mario!'

or something. But i mean, come on. Scottish, English, and Irish accents in Braveheart-perfect. Scottish Accents in Rome-not perfect.

[Raederle]

I can forgive Sean Bean for his accent in Troy because it's gawd damn Sean Bean. Everyone else = wtf.

[Patchingko]

I will watch it for colin farrell.

Why you'll be disappointed: He's not cool in this film, hell, he's not even attractive... unless you like huge badly-dyed blonde caterpillar eyebrows and a Frodo-inspired cry-cry face for three hours. Oh yeah, and the hitting on other men thing.

I'll watch it for the men kissing.

Why you'll be disappointed: There's only a few kisses, mostly the men hug like lovers and make gay comments. The real offensiveness comes when some of them are dressing like women or acting like fags (especially Hephaestus), and the way they are blatantly shunned by all other races in the movie. The only mansex you're gonna get is hairy-ass, one-eyed Val Kilmer ass-raping some kid at his birthday party. Don't worry though, there will be plenty of men PMSing for you to sleep through.

All I have to say is I warned you both and anyone else who would torture themselves by seeing this film.

As for the accents, like I've said before, I can excuse ancient Greeks and Romans with English accents since it's meant to make them seem dignified. What I can't excuse is everyone in the film having a different accent, many of them very easily identifiable as being from completely different parts of Great Britain, Ireland and the rest of Northern Europe. Mix that with the completely made up accents of Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson, and it's just plain offensive that Oliver Stone thought he could get away with it.

[isildur]

As for the accents, like I've said before, I can excuse ancient Greeks and Romans with English accents since it's meant to make them seem dignified. What I can't excuse is everyone in the film having a different accent, many of them very easily identifiable as being from completely different parts of Great Britain, Ireland and the rest of Northern Europe. Mix that with the completely made up accents of Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson, and it's just plain offensive that Oliver Stone thought he could get away with it.

I imagine that's meant to represent different dialects. I'm pretty sure they did that in Troy as well, although I can't remember. I probably won't see this movie, but I don't quite understand why you're so bothered by the accents. Seems pretty trivial.

[WaWard]

he would've rather have them have chinese, korean and/or japanese accents.

[Patchingko]

If you did see the movie, you would know exactly what I'm talking about. Like I said, it's not something I would normally be bothered by, so it was very noticeable and went even further to preventing anyone in the theatre from believing what was going on or seeing the film as anything but trash.

When two people from the same part of Greece are speaking and one of them has a distinct Irish accent and the other has a thick Scottish burr, that's just idiotic. Like I said, if they're trying to do different dialects, then they need to use related dialects if the people are from the same general region. A thick English accent for someone from the country and a more refined one for someone of nobility is fine. But that was not the case here.

Were the rest of the movie great, it would be extremely trivial, but the rest was horrd, so it was just another very strong example of what a terrible picture this is.

[Kakeru]

I saw this movie myself the day before thanksgiving and I came to the same conclusion pretty much.

As for the homosexual area's I may be able to clear that up a bit based on what I've heard from my teacher. Essentially the Greek government made them cut scenes from the movie because they didn't want Alexander presented as a homosexual. In Greek culture at the time of Alexander, men were actually encouraged to explore their sexuality with other guys until they married. So yeah, Alexander was for sure a homosexual, but the Greek government doesn't want us to know.

I also found the movie to be too much traveling and talking about what Alexander did and not enough showing it. It was 3 hours of worthlessness. There are educational films that they show in elementary school that are more interesting that Alexander.

Now I went with my younger brother, older brother, his friend whom he just helped move up from Florida, his girlfriend, and her father. We all hated it. My older brother's friend slept through the whole movie because it was so boring.

Also for me all the jumping around the timeline was confusing. The movie progresses through Alexander's life by jumping back and forth between events not really giving much reason for it.

For a movie that's supposed to be entertain, it doesn't do a very good job.

[Kage]

Based on what I have seen here, I will give this movie a miss. The movie reviews here has always been on the dot. I will instead watch phone booth.

[Seifer Almasy]

I agree with pretty much everything you said except for ONE thing. Those huge tits were awesome. They came so unexpected after all the gay stuff and were quite a refreshing change.

I can kind of see the validity in his portrayal of homosexuality in that it kinda uses a stereotype to present something to a generally unaccepting audience in a very intrusive way as to perhaps make people question their reaction?

All the same, I agree it would be nice to have seen them portrayed as "normal" men. Who knows, maybe they were more comfortable with being sensative, but rather hard to believe considering they're all supposed to be warriors.

I thought it was funny that he was such a slut woman man.

I think the accents were meant to portray class distinction.

Speaking of lack of battles why the FUCK didn't they show egypt! I was pining for that the whole time!

[Leftover]

There are no dialects in Greece. You could be from the poorest section of Rhodes or Onasis herself and would still talk the same.

Anyways, from the mere few moments of the trailer that I've seen countless times already I knew I wasn't going to see this film. I mean Collin just flat out looks stupid, and I mean that in the worst way possible. As proud as I am of my heritage, I'm not seeing this film. My Big Fat Greek Wedding does a better job of making us look good.

[Patchingko]

My Big Fat Greek Wedding does a better job of making us look good.

As silly as it makes us look, I have to agree. Plus at least that movie was accurate (I had that uncle who says everything was invented in Greece, I swear).

Speaking of lack of battles why the FUCK didn't they show egypt! I was pining for that the whole time!

No shit. When I realized we wouldn't see that or a few of the battles across Persia, I wanted to murder Oliver Stone.

[Doom]

wut... lor greekboi?

[Toxodont]

I guess I'm the only person who actually liked this movie?

[Patchingko]

One of the only people on the planet, if the revenue and reviews are any indication.

[Kage]

Oliver stone ought to be shot.

[Lord Golbez]

wut... lor greekboi?

What? There are still Greeks:?

[saranicole]

Aw, so the previews where they say it's one of the best movies of the year are lying to me? I'm so shocked.

[Cybernetic Empire]

Shut your fucking mouth!

[Brody]

My nightmares will be riddled with Colin's balls and overexuberant amounts of mascara for years to come.

[Kage]

Best one liner of the day.

[TheDarkOne]

[Questionmarktarius]

Why in the hell would anyone put up a gigantic image like that as a hotlink hoser?

[TheDarkOne]

i just thought it was funny

[Doom]

wut... lor greekboi?

What? There are still Greeks:?

[Joei]

he would've rather have them have chinese, korean and/or japanese accents.

[Leftover]

Yeah I'm Greek, what's it to you!